Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The "now I get it" moment

For all of you who have children, I thought that you were all crazy for the past four months. Ben started out life as just a little "peanut" as the nurses called him. He was cute but fussy. He took to breastfeeding like a champ but he wanted to eat ALL THE TIME. I remember many days in the first few months where I would hold a screaming baby for hours and wonder "why the heck do we have kids? There is no reward in this non-stop, unpaid job." I asked Colin if he had any idea why we had a baby and he gave me an answer that I won't write here but needless to say , it didn't help. I finally Called my wonderful sister-in-law Heather who has three boys and at the time was pregnant with her fourth (a girl)! I asked her "Does this ever get better? Will I ever be rewarded for my work?" She told me "you'll see, You'll know in a few months." And I did.

Ben had been practicing his smiles in his sleep for us. One day when he was about 14 weeks old I was playing with him on the bed after his morning feeding. I was kissing him and tickling his feet and then all of a sudden something changed in his eyes and a big smile came across his whole face. I felt my eyes start to sting and then I cried. "He's a real boy!" I sobbed. Now two months later at four and a half months old, I get all kinds of fun smiles, giggles and even snuggles from my Ben, but I can still remember the days when I didn't get it. Now, I SO get it.

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