Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Mommy-Of-Two Olympics

Colin got off work late last night and I had been having a pretty stressful day. He called as he was leaving the office and I suggested that we have pizza for dinner. All I had to do was call it in and he would pick it up. I also had to pre-heat the oven. This seemingly simple task turned out to be the most challenging 30 minutes of my day. As it turns out, I was in the Mommy-Of-Two Olympics and I had to win the gold before I had my reward, a dinner prepared by someone else. Here's the play-by-play.

Welcome ladies and gentlemen! Thanks for tuning into to the Mommy-Of-Two Olympics! Our competitor today is Erin Smith. Let's see how she does. She's at the starting line and, she's off!

Erin starts the competition strong with a bolt up the stairs while holding the thirty pound Ben. She quickly sets him down to play while she finds the Papa Murphy's website, decides on a pizza, calls in and places an order under the name Colin. Amazing! This event was completed in almost record time! Now to the finish line, pre-heating the oven. But wait! She isn't done with this leg yet because Ben has just surprised her with a setback. While she was ordering he found a pump bottle of lotion and emptied it's contents onto the nightstand, smeared it in his hair and rubbed it all over his hands and arms. Erin surprisingly bounces back and scoops up Ben and washes him and the nightstand off while remaining untouched by the lotion explosion. She is moving on like a pro.

Erin starts to head downstairs to pre-heat the oven but as she is entering the hallway with Ben in tow she hears Gemma wake up from her nap with a horrific wail. Still thinking on her toes, she enters Gemma's room grabs her and plunks her on her free hip. This mom isn't going to let anything get in the way of the finish line! She bounds down the stairs with 45 pounds of dead weight on her hips and it doesn't even phase her. She's almost to the bottom of the stairs, but wait Gemma has a surprise as well she has vomited all over Erin's shirt and herself. Without skipping a beat, Erin sets Ben down at the bottom of the stairs and hurries to the living room. She strips Gemma, puts her in last nights pj's that were miraculously on the couch and tears her own barf saturated shirt off to reveal her black lacy nursing bra! But there is no time to go back upstairs to get a new shirt right now. Erin can see the oven, her finish-line. She can taste her cheesy, saucy victory.

With Gemma in the bouncy seat Erin begins her sprint to the finish. Just as she enters the final stretch she realizes that Ben is nowhere in sight. Wait! Ben has escaped onto the deck. Wasting no time, Erin runs outside to grab Ben. But wait, she is only wearing her bra! Thank God nobody sees her! With victory on the brain, Erin drags herself (with Ben on her hip) to the kitchen and turns on the oven. She's done it! She has reached her goal.

A jingle of keys is heard and the door is opened! Colin is home! What amazing timing. But wait what is that draft? Erin looks down to see that Ben has unlatched her nursing bra on one side. As Colin rounds the corner holding Erin's delicious winnings. She realizes that Colin was the true winner. He got pizza and an eyeful!


Eliza Chava said...

You are hilarious. What a creative recap. =)

Hahnna said...

Sisters think alike. Your description was very vivid, right on down to the eyeful. :) Your attitude is quite positive, too. I'm glad you got your reward.