Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Great expectations...out the window

Hello to all! I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. Life has been crazy around here. As some of you know, we recently moved to Marysville, WA and Colin has a fantastic new job! I am also able to stay home and not work (for money :P) now because of our new geographic and vocational change. Yay! And, now that we are caught up, here's the fun stuff.

Ever since Ben graced us with his presence, my life and brain have been in a constant state of change. I think the biggest difference I see in myself is how I deal with other people's opinions and advice. My big epiphany came when I realized how angry and guilty I felt after having an emergency c-section after 24 hours of labor. I had been in the hospital for a full week before Ben was born and I thought that even though the last week of my pregnancy was not as I had planned it, I was expecting the birth itself to be perfect. I was planning on a drug-free, calm, smooth experience. Obviously that didn't happen.

I remember holding my sweet boy for the first time alone and thinking "Thank you God, he is so perfect, but I wish that I could have had a natural birth, that would make him even more perfect." This is when the gigantic hand came down from heaven and smacked me on the face. I realized then and there that I had become a sponge, soaking up whatever my family and friends had told me was the "right way to do things." I had been pushed from all directions to have a natural birth, because natural is best, and if you don't go natural, your baby will be born with four arms and cry pesticides instead of tears. (As you can see from my last statement I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder)

Anyway, what I ended up concluding is that I have a perfect baby boy because of God's grace. That's it, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I have learned to trust my own instincts when it comes to parenting and taking care of my family. I can now listen to people politely but I don't feel guilty anymore because I made a decision that went against a friend or family member's advice. I have to say that I feel liberated and free these days because I am doing what I think is right and I am trusting God to push me in the right direction. And believe me, when it's time to hold another sweet new baby for the first time, I will think (c-section and all) "Thank you God for my beautiful child, this is perfect, because you made this."

1 comment:

Hahnna said...

Beautifully said!