When Ben "Lost His Starch"

My dad had spring break off from his schooling and Colin had to go to California for a business trip. My parents invited Benjamin and myself to go to our old hometown, Bend, Oregon to show of our not so new "new baby." I was really excited to go on this trip. I hadn't taken time off for awhile and even though Colin wouldn't be around, I couldn't wait to see relatives and old friends.

We packed up the car with everything including Ben's acidophilus powder that I gave him every morning in his applesauce. It was supposed to be refrigerated, but my mom packed it in ice in a tupperware and we went on our way.

Cut to six hours later. Ben was a perfect child and he didn't cry at all in the car. He just ate and babbled away. While Ben was making us proud and filling our hearts with love, the acidophilus was growing into a mutated bacteria monster. Ready to attack at any time...

The next morning we all awoke refreshed and our sinuses bleeding from the high desert air. I began my normal routine with the applesauce and acidophilus. Not knowing that I was actively giving my child food poisoning. Had someone known this, they would have ran into the room screaming "nooooooo" in slow motion and knocked the tiny spoon out of my hand. This is actually what I wished had happened, because a spoonful of applesauce would have been easier to clean up than multiple pools of vomit.

I fed Ben all day long like nothing was wrong. He finally objected to some peas and then threw up all over the Klein's dining room floor. It was the motherlode. It was the Cascade waterfalls of Bend, Oregon. Ben just opened his mouth and he gave us a vivid show and tell of his diet that day. It was impressive but disturbing. As you can imagine, I freaked out.

Ben threw up, and threw up, and threw up. I was a mess physically and mentally. Jodi Klein our dear friend and hostess took everything in stride and was truly full of grace. Thank you Jodi. At the end of the night, I finally packed Ben up in the car to take him to our friends house that we were staying with. Jodi let us borrow towels to wrap Ben up in because he had soaked his other outfits and one of her daughter's shirts. With my mom in the back holding a cool whip tub under Ben's mouth, we drove off.

I finally called Colin. The "conversation" went like this:

Erin: "Ben is throwing up" (sobbing begins)
Colin:"Is he okay?"
Erin: (still sobbing)"He's so sad"
Colin:"Erin, is he throwing up right now?"
Erin: (sobbing hysterically) "I just don't know what to do"
Colin: "Erin, calm down. Are you going to be okay?"
Erin: (shorting the phone out with tears) "He's just so little. I love you I'll call you when I can talk...(sob)...Tell you more...I love you..."

Needless to say, neither of us slept well. I stayed up with Ben until 5:30am and finally turned over baby duty to my dad. Thank you Daddy.

The next day Ben was a dishrag. He stayed in our arms all day and ran a fever and pooped his pants off. At one point in the day I overheard my dad on the phone with my grandma. He was appraising her of Ben's situation. I heard him saying "Ben got sick. He has really lost his starch." I had a vision of a sad little sailboat that's sail lost it's starch and drooped. Then he couldn't sail. My mom and I looked at each other knowing that we had had the same vision. We looked at "Starchless Ben." Weeping ensued. We left the next day and welcomed Colin home with an almost re-starched Ben.

The trip was my own personal hell. I was more worried than I had ever been in my life. I absolutely never realized how much of my heart that little boy owned until that fateful day. While remembering how I felt that day, I was reminded of a very famous quote from Elizabeth Stone. it says:

"Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body."

I never understood fully what that quote meant, until I held a very sick and helpless baby, knowing that I could do nothing for him but love him and hurt for him.

I really did learn a few things about myself those few days in Bend. I learned that I am finally a real mom. I have arrived. I can tell you now with tears rolling down my face, that I would have done anything in the world to take my baby boy's pain away. I would have taken his sickness in a heartbeat. If it were possible, I would have absorbed his fever and shaken with chills for days. I would have done anything to erase the past 24 hours of hell that he had gone through. I realized, the one thing that I could do, and that I did do, was love him.

It didn't feel like it was enough at the time, but it was. Because all we can do folks, is love our babies. No matter what. Because they need us all of the time. Especially when they are sick and sad, but all other times too. So my advice to you is, unless you are ready to "forever have your heart go walking around outside your body," don't bother. If you think that you are ready, brace yourselves, you are in for a ride.

Our Pet Baby

Question: Who did it? The baby or a small dog?




Answer: We don't have a dog.

El Nino

I now understand why the weather powers that be named a winter weather pattern "El Ñino." They had young children at home. Shocking, yes, but so true. I personally have experienced my own tiny El Ñino right here in my living room. His name is Ben.

Benjamin just turned ten months old. He has four teeth and he started to crawl about two weeks ago. I was very excited to tell people that my little guy was becoming such a big boy. It seemed, however, that when I announced to friends and family that Ben has passed a major milestone and was now crawling, they were immediately on the other side of the room putting antique vases and delicate knick knacks on the highest shelf possible.

At first, I laughed at these people for being so paranoid. He hadn't made any messes yet, he was just learning how to move on his own. What I didn't realize is that my sunny weather was about to turn into the storm of the century.

As Ben's slow scoot turned into VERY fast crawl our little home turned into a battle ground. Side-tables have been overturned. Books have been pulled off of the shelf and DVDs that used to be in alphabetical order are now lost forever because Ben has managed to push them behind the TV stand. I can't be more thankful for online bills either, because all of our hard copies have been chewed or shredded by our very sweet boy. Thanks Ben! Now we can donate our paper shredder to someone who really needs it.

With all of the new mayhem that Ben has caused, there is also a lot of joy. I am amazed at how smart he is and every day when I wake up to sound of the monitor amplifying Ben's loud talking in his crib, I can't keep the smile from spreading across my face. What a delight to have this child in my home.

Ben may be full of mischief and messes but I know that he isn't trying to be bad, he's just learning. It is my responsibility to tell him no when he is causing trouble, but even more important, it is my responsibility to comfort him when he has bumped his head. It is my responsibility to love him even when he has thrown up on my last clean shirt. Most important, it is my responsibility to share with him the incredible love and forgiveness of our Savior. I won't say that being a parent is easy, but I will say that it is the most wonderful and scary thing that I have ever done or ever will do. To sum up the forecast for the rest of Ben's baby-hood, it is going to be partly cloudy with radiant sun breaks.

Nicknames and Such

"Chim Chim"

Nicknames are a curious thing. Anyone who currently has or has ever raised a baby, would tell you that they have a long mutating string of nicknames for their child. Being a former Richardson, I had a feeling that I would have a bit of a problem with this. My family, as many of you know, is very weird. My brother and I can talk to each other in a made up language and, although we can hold back in public, when we are all toghether we make a strange bunch.

My brother Ryan (or "Unca Rat") gave Ben his first nickname before he was even born. He was "The Cub." Now, Ben has many nicknames. The most popular are as follows : Chim, Chim Chim, Peet, Peety, Poot, Poot Patterson, Bug, Boy, Babykins, Budge, Budgee ... and the list goes on.

I suppose that I should back-track a bit and explain. My parents had a list of nicknames for me and Ryan that could be recited for hours. I grew up being called Rin, Rinny, and Doot. There was even a year when Ryan refused to call my dad anything but Snavely. I'm pretty sure that Ben didn't have a chance.


Although our nicknames are silly, I know that they are universal. In my eyes, I see nicknames as an honor. Other than stupid kids at school, the people that give us our nicknames are the ones that mean the most to us. A nickname is a way of saying , "We love you, we know you better than anyone else, and to show you that, we will call you a name that nobody else knows or understands." Our nicknames are like passports to the inside circle of a family.

Ben will probably decide that he doesn't like to be called Chim someday, most likely when he becomes a teenager. But once he realizes that his nickname is so much more than a silly made up word, I'll bet he'll want it back. Or he will at least ask to be called Chim at home ... just not in front of his buddies. He may even read this someday when he has a baby of his own and get a good laugh, because he will use nicknames too.

Memories, Misty Crayon Colored Memories...

I recently wrote about my mission to organize old pictures and memories. In my quest to find scrapbooking Zen, I stumbled upon the most delightful collection of my second and third grade writing projects and old letters. I was supposed to be cleaning up and I spent the afternoon in stitches and tears over hillarious book reports and touching letters from my late Grandpa Flory.

I ended up wasting even more time by calling my mom and reading her some of my pieces. She loved my book report about Christopher Columbus where I spent three of my four pages talking about how I had to write abook report and that "I was bigger than one first grader." (Classic little Erin) The all around favorite is a book about a bear who wants to make balloons, so he pays a lamb one penny to get the "secret poshen" which I will tell you all now for free. "You take some ruber and take some tape and then put some air and put a string and you have a ballon!" The best part of the book however, is when the lamb exclaims "GOOD GOB." I'm pretty sure that I was trying to say "Good Job!" but "Good Gob" has officially become the Smith Family excliamation of 2007.

In all of my wasted hours I Kept thinking to myself, "I love this stuff, I love kids." I even thought about what fun my teachers had reading the crazy things that us kids imagined up and then it hit me. Ben will make silly books. Ben will make me laugh so hard that I will tear up. I haven't thought about him as a grade-schooler. The idea of my little boy going off to school and coming back with a silly book report makes my heart warm. I can't even imagine the joys that Benjamin will bring me and Colin, but I'm pretty sure that he can come up with something even better than Good Gob.

New Year's Resolution

Happy New Year everyone! I am so glad to welcome the year 2007 and all that it has in store for my little family. I am a believer in New Year Resolutions, not because I can't work on myself during the year, but because I like the feeling of a fresh start. I have a few very poignant resolutions but they aren't fun to write about, so I'm going to tell you about my radical and awesome one.

Organizing memorobilia and pictures. Oh it's a big one. I have boxes and boxes of crap. Well not crap, but it looks like it right now and I am just itching to get it taken care of. So far I have made a dent in only one box and it is currently sprawled on the floor beside me. So I haven't actually made any progress.

I guess the biggest roadblock for me has been Mr. Benjamin. Since that little boy showed up, we have fifteen times our original amount of cards, pictures, mementos, and other clutter, yet with him around I have no time to scrabook, or for that matter, shower. So, I'm just not sure what to do at this point. maybe I'll just pay my mom to do it for me. Ha! Right! I'll come up with something and I'll keep you posted. If you have any suggestions, please let me know.

~Erin

Magician for hire. Will work for boob.

The only real magicians in this world are babies. I know that this is a bold statement and I'm sure that you David Blaine fans out there will argue with me, but I believe this with all my heart. I have created a list of evidence to prove my point.

Item one: The shrinking cheerio trick. Ben puts the cheerio in his mouth, covers it in drool, places it back on the high chair tray and ten minutes later it is mini. Amazing!

Item two: Mind control skills. Ben can make his Mommy and Daddy do anything he wants by either smiling, crying, or saying "dada" in that irresistable breathy whisper.

Item three: The expanding cheerio trick. Ben puts the cheerio in his mouth, covers it in drool, chews it up, spits it out, and covers ten square feet in cheerio mush.

Item four: The super poop trick (Colin's favorite). Ben can eat four ounces of baby food and when it comes out the other end it has expanded to ten times it's original volume! Ta Da!

Item five: Hypnosis. Much like baby snakes and their potent poison, Ben's hypnosis was much stronger when he was first born. I can't even remember some of the terrible tyrannical things that Ben did to us, because I was in such a fog. When I wasn't blocking out the spit up and colic, I was staring into his eyes for hours because I couldn't believe that he was mine. This trick is really impressive but Ben only uses it at bedtime these days in order to stay up longer.

Item Six: The finale. In the vein of David Copperfield's disappearing airplane. Ben has managed to change a human heart. Yes you heard me right. "But how?" you say, listen and be amazed. When I found out I was pregnant with Ben, Colin was shocked. He was unsure of our future and only until Ben was born did Colin seem at peace with being a daddy. I was sure that it would be difficult to convince Colin to ever have another one. I was sure that down the road sometime, I would have to delicately inform Colin that he would be a father of two. I was wrong.

Let me clarify, I AM NOT PREGNANT! (But I thought I was yesterday.) I told my dear husband that we might be in for a crazy year and instead of freaking out, he said "Oh good, I was thinking that other day when I was playing with Ben, that I want another baby." This shocked me! Anyway, I took the test and it ended up negative and I was jumping for joy. Colin on the other hand cried. (I'm sure he'll love me for telling you all that a grown man cried.) He was sad that I wasn't pregnant. He had decided that because Ben was more wonderful than he had ever imagined, he wanted more kids! This is truly the most magical trick that I have seen Ben perform. He changed a person's heart.

Leave it to the babies to do all of the magic tricks folks, it comes easy to them.
And, if I still haven't convinced any of you stage magic fans, then by all means, enjoy the show! But I promise, Ben could do it better.

Thanksgiving

This year we Smith's have celebrated many firsts. Too many to name, really, but I am reminded of how special they all are during the season of thanks. I guess this is just going to be a list of the things that have taught me how to love life with my baby boy and Colin, good and bad!

I am thankful for:

-God's amazing grace.
-The opportuniy I have been given to raise a child of God.
-Every smile that Benjamin has ever shown me.
-My marriage, which gets better every day.
-Patience.
-Tiny hands and toes.
-Baby kisses, especially wet ones!
-Sleeping Ben.
-Bedtimes and structured schedules.
-Technology and our new endless limits of communication.
-The fact that babies forgive you while you learn how to be a good parent.
-Showers.
-Disposable diapers.
-Coffee.
-Ben's laugh.
-A loving husband who works so hard.
-Ben's first tooth. Because it is SO CUTE!
-The way that Babies trust us with every ounce of their being. God gave us a perfect model of how our relationship with Him should be.
-My little family and the closeness that we share.
-My own Mommy.
-My big extended family. Even the ones that hurt me over and over, because I have learned how to extend so much grace and patience because of them.
-The opportunity to share my thoughts with friends and family in this blog.

Happy belated Thanksgiving everyone!

~Erin

Great expectations...out the window

Hello to all! I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a while. Life has been crazy around here. As some of you know, we recently moved to Marysville, WA and Colin has a fantastic new job! I am also able to stay home and not work (for money :P) now because of our new geographic and vocational change. Yay! And, now that we are caught up, here's the fun stuff.

Ever since Ben graced us with his presence, my life and brain have been in a constant state of change. I think the biggest difference I see in myself is how I deal with other people's opinions and advice. My big epiphany came when I realized how angry and guilty I felt after having an emergency c-section after 24 hours of labor. I had been in the hospital for a full week before Ben was born and I thought that even though the last week of my pregnancy was not as I had planned it, I was expecting the birth itself to be perfect. I was planning on a drug-free, calm, smooth experience. Obviously that didn't happen.

I remember holding my sweet boy for the first time alone and thinking "Thank you God, he is so perfect, but I wish that I could have had a natural birth, that would make him even more perfect." This is when the gigantic hand came down from heaven and smacked me on the face. I realized then and there that I had become a sponge, soaking up whatever my family and friends had told me was the "right way to do things." I had been pushed from all directions to have a natural birth, because natural is best, and if you don't go natural, your baby will be born with four arms and cry pesticides instead of tears. (As you can see from my last statement I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder)

Anyway, what I ended up concluding is that I have a perfect baby boy because of God's grace. That's it, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I have learned to trust my own instincts when it comes to parenting and taking care of my family. I can now listen to people politely but I don't feel guilty anymore because I made a decision that went against a friend or family member's advice. I have to say that I feel liberated and free these days because I am doing what I think is right and I am trusting God to push me in the right direction. And believe me, when it's time to hold another sweet new baby for the first time, I will think (c-section and all) "Thank you God for my beautiful child, this is perfect, because you made this."

Johnny Cash and goosebumps

There is no music in the world that can make me cry and give me goosebumps like the man in black, Mr. Johnny Cash. I was sitting here with Ben on my knee, trying to check my mail, when he started fussing. I was inspired to put some music on and as I put on "Bridge Over Troubled Water" Ben calmed down. The perfect harmony of Johhny and June's voices made my eyes start water and I whispered to my baby boy "someday Ben, you'll listen to this music and it will change you, because it changed me"

I guess the purpose of this post is really to thank my Daddy. I can't blame anyone in the world for making me love music other than my father. I can remember rainy days when we would put on "Bob Marley: Legend" and we would dance around the living room until I had an asthma attack. Or those days when I felt sad, Dad would put on some Bob Dylan or Buffalo Springfield and I let the music feel sad for me.

Colin and I have talked a lot about how we want to raise Ben and some things we aren't sure about yet, but one thing is for sure, he will grow up in a home full of music. Just like I did. One day he will thank us for it.

Little baby, big mess

Over the past five months Colin and I have really enjoyed the world of being parents. We think that our baby is cuter than all other babies, we have an unhealthy obsession with Ben's poo (consistency, texture, regularity, etc.), Ben has been sleeping through the night since he was ten weeks old, I can't stop buying baby clothes (we may look like bums but Ben is one well dressed lad), and our hearts are full to the brim with love for our new lil guy. I would say that we have no complaints but that would be a lie I have one...

One complaint that is, CLUTTER. Yes clutter, and the worst kind of all, baby clutter. I feel as though baby clutter can only be related effectively to a disease. It starts out small, unobtrusive even but over time it grows into a huge pulsating mess of tiny socks and large primary colored toys. We began with a dresser of clothes, a crib and a bouncy seat. That didn't last long. Ben needed a swing, and a stroller, and a garish play mat with a billion dangling toys, next the mother of all eyesores...The exersaucer. For those of you who aren't familiar with these monstrosities, please see the picture above


I am not sure if there is a solution to this problem, and to be honest, if it makes Benjamin happy, then we'll do whatever it takes. But I will say, Ben, you can have your A.D.D. causing exersaucer, but I draw the line at a bounce house. Period, paragraph!

The "now I get it" moment

For all of you who have children, I thought that you were all crazy for the past four months. Ben started out life as just a little "peanut" as the nurses called him. He was cute but fussy. He took to breastfeeding like a champ but he wanted to eat ALL THE TIME. I remember many days in the first few months where I would hold a screaming baby for hours and wonder "why the heck do we have kids? There is no reward in this non-stop, unpaid job." I asked Colin if he had any idea why we had a baby and he gave me an answer that I won't write here but needless to say , it didn't help. I finally Called my wonderful sister-in-law Heather who has three boys and at the time was pregnant with her fourth (a girl)! I asked her "Does this ever get better? Will I ever be rewarded for my work?" She told me "you'll see, You'll know in a few months." And I did.

Ben had been practicing his smiles in his sleep for us. One day when he was about 14 weeks old I was playing with him on the bed after his morning feeding. I was kissing him and tickling his feet and then all of a sudden something changed in his eyes and a big smile came across his whole face. I felt my eyes start to sting and then I cried. "He's a real boy!" I sobbed. Now two months later at four and a half months old, I get all kinds of fun smiles, giggles and even snuggles from my Ben, but I can still remember the days when I didn't get it. Now, I SO get it.

Thank heaven for little boys

Dearest Benjamin,

The past four and a half months of my life have been the best that I have ever had. On March 28th, 2006 you were born and my world was turned upside down. I never knew that I could love a little five pound baby so much and my love has grown exponentially every day. I want to write this blog for you. I want to document every little thing that you do that makes me smile, cry, or laugh. I love you little guy, you are my sunshine.

Love,
Your Mommy